ICONic Book Club

As George Bernard Shaw said: "The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion it has taken place."

We all fall into the trap that just because we have communicated something, it has been heard and understood. Worse still, we often assume that our words have made an impact and encouraged action or change.

Which is why it was timely to read Charles Duhigg’s Supercommunicators recently as part of the ICONic Book Club, as a great reminder about how to communicate effectively.

Our book club discussion, on Friday, 7^th February 2025, was interactive and insightful, with participants sharing their thoughts and experiences on the book's principles and their application in various contexts.

The book explores the following themes.

Connecting – the matching principle

All communication is about connection. We need to understand and connect with each other for authentic communication to occur. This involves matching our behaviours so that our brains align. If we can’t find some elements of connection and develop understanding and empathy with each other, then effective communication won’t result.

What kind of conversation are we having?

Understanding what kind of conversation is taking place is important to establish upfront. Duhigg outlines three types of conversation (which can occur in isolation or in combination):

1.     Practical – What is this really about? Do we want to be helped? Is this a transactional, tactical conversation, which is about facts and solutions?

2.     Emotional – How do we feel? Do we want to be hugged? Is this a deep conversation about how we feel about a situation or others?

3.     Social – Who are we? Do we want to be heard? What are our identities and do they align? Can we connect on mutual values, backgrounds, experiences, desires?

Asking questions and verbal clues

To establish what kind of conversation is taking place, or needs to occur, and to create connection and alignment, requires asking lots of questions. Also watching for non-verbal cues to assess mood and energy is important. For instance, laughter – which can be genuine, nervous or fake – is a good indicator of either alignment or misalignment.

Several themes emerged during the discussion:

1.     Ethical concerns: Some participants expressed concerns about the potential for manipulation and misuse of the techniques described in the book, examples being influencing juries or using the controversial undercover police ‘Mr Big’ tactic.

2.     Building rapport: The group recognised the value of asking non-subject-matter-specific questions and sharing personal experiences to build rapport, especially during interviews. Authenticity and finding common ground were identified as powerful tools in establishing connections in personal and business contexts.

3.     Purposeful conversations: The importance of being clear about the purpose of a conversation or meeting and planning for it was highlighted. This approach was found particularly useful in work settings.

4.     Mindfulness in conversations: A few participants mentioned that the approach makes them more mindful in conversations, encouraging them to reflect and confirm understanding rather than half-listening.

5.     Neuro-linguistic programming: The similarity with neuro-linguistic programming was noted, emphasising seeing another person's view and meeting them where they are.

6.     Cultural differences: The group explored cultural differences and acknowledged that the book was from an Anglo-Western perspective, lacking coverage of ethnic or diverse perspectives. Examples from Japan and Brazil were shared.

7.     Handling unwilling participants: The group discussed how to connect with someone who does not want to engage. The book does not address this, but the author (in response to an emailed query) suggested a focus on managing one's own reaction in such situations as that is all you can control. Duhigg’s full response was:

“When someone lacks empathy or emotional intelligence—or worse, when they exhibit narcissistic tendencies—the dynamic becomes especially difficult. In situations like these, the goal shifts slightly. Rather than striving for deep connection, focus on managing the interaction in a way that allows you to maintain your values and objectives. This often means prioritizing clarity and boundaries...It’s also helpful to remain emotionally neutral. Narcissistic individuals can sometimes exploit emotional reactions, so staying composed and redirecting the conversation to practical or factual topics can keep things on track. Connection may not be fully possible in these cases, but understanding their motivations can help you navigate the interaction with more effectiveness.”

8.     Attributes of good communicators: Real life examples of good communicators included people who use relatable anecdotes, are thoughtful, and ask good questions. Being an extrovert or big talker was not deemed necessary.

9.     Power imbalance: The group explored conversations where there is a power imbalance, which the book does not address. The approach of being purposeful, planning and being clear on agreeing what the conversation is about all apply here.

10.  Other forms of communication: The book does not cover other forms of communication, such as written communication.

Communication is science and an art

In summary, communication is both a science – with practical guidelines and tools – and an art – drawing on our emotional intelligence, empathy and ability to connect with others. It is only by using both practical and emotional approaches that we will ensure that communication has actually taken place!

And for something more…

If you are keen to explore this topic further, see below some links to extra content:

https://www.cultivatingleadership.com/change/2023/01/the-story-i-tell-myself

https://brenebrown.com/articles/2019/05/01/lets-rumble/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_Angry_Men_(1957_film)

https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/truecrime/mr-big/104455302

Matthew Lee, May 2024 

Can an Australian Leadership book be Relevant to Readers outside Australia?

The most recent ICON Book Club featured a lively discussion of a rare beast – an Australian leadership book with a global application. But it made us wonder whether an Australian book would be relevant for readers who don’t live and work in Australia?  

The latest Australian leadership book and what makes it stand out

Kirstin Ferguson's "Head and Heart: The Art of Modern Leadership" is not your average leadership book. It opens by painting a vivid pen portrait of the modern leader, using figures like Jacinda Ardern and Satya Nadella as examples. The core premise is simple yet profound: modern leaders lead with both head and heart, balancing strategic thinking with empathy and emotional intelligence.

Ferguson's voice and featured leaders are undeniably Australian and diverse including people like Benjamin Law, Yvette Rees, Mark Scott and Sally McManus. Their perspectives on how to lead are varied and valuable in providing life to how Modern Leaders deploy both Head (including attributes Curiousity, Wisdom, Perspective and Capability) and Heart (including attributes Humility, Self-Awareness, Courage and Empathy) at their work. 

The framework transcends borders and resonates across industries. This was evident in the ICON book club discussion, where the focus shifted from theory to application.

Our discussion centred around several key points:

Putting the Framework to Work: The self-assessment tool provided in the book allowed us to reflect on our own leadership styles. We agreed that sharing these results with our teams and peers could foster open communication and collaboration.

Head vs. Heart in Recruitment: We questioned the traditional emphasis on "head" qualities in recruitment, considering whether incorporating the "heart" aspect could attract more well-rounded and inspiring leaders. This sparked discussions about the culture and the values we prioritise and reward in professional services firms.

Aspirational Leadership: We wondered whether the framework was more aspirational - one that guides us towards becoming better leaders ourselves - when so many of our political leaders seemed to fall short of the Modern Leader ideal.

Beyond these specific topics, the book's strength lies in its ability to spark conversation. It challenges traditional leadership stereotypes and encourages readers to think critically about their own approach.

Here's what makes "Head and Heart" stand out:

• Unique Framework: The "head and heart" model provides a clear and actionable framework for leadership development. It's not just theoretical but offers concrete tools for self-evaluation and improvement.
• Compelling Examples: Real-life stories of successful leaders, like Jacinda Ardern and Satya Nadella, bring the framework to life and make it relatable.
• Diverse Voices: The book showcases a range of leadership styles and backgrounds, highlighting the importance of inclusivity and diversity in leadership models.
• Focus on Application: The book goes beyond theory and provides practical exercises and tools to help readers apply the framework in their own lives.
• Discussion Starter: The book's thought-provoking content is guaranteed to spark lively discussions and debates about leadership in your book club or team meetings.

Overall, "Head and Heart" is a refreshing and insightful read that challenges traditional leadership thinking and provides a valuable framework for personal and professional reflection and discussion. This book could be enjoyed by readers anywhere with an emphasis on compelling and diverse examples and practical application.

This ICONIC book club session was brilliantly facilitated by Juliet Robinson from Big Goals. Check out her podcast Grow Your Leadership. The most recent episode about psychopaths at work is chilling and recognisable and there’s plenty of other interesting material in there that will help you be a better leader.

To join the next ICONic Book Club please send us an email.